The New Wedding Rules

So here it is, long-awaited: the wedding post. Originally I had planned on recounting the day, providing a minute-by-minute blow of the event. But you don't need that--you were there, and the memories are more alive in our hearts than I could possibly express here.

So what I'm going to do instead is to give you my new list of wedding rules (this is a mix of rules for couples and guests alike):

To the couple:
1. Spend as much time planning the ceremony as you do on the reception. The ceremony is the most important part of your day; even if it's simple, make it yours to make it holy.
2. Spend twice as much time with your future spouse as you do on either of the above.
3. Realize your wedding dreams whatever they are, but be mindful of your guests.
4. Consider your wedding to be a gift to your guests; it's not about the gifts they're giving you; it's about the gift you're giving them. Think of it as your first dinner party as a married couple!
5. Get a good DJ and, if possible, friends who like to dance!

To the guests:
1. Remember that weddings are stressful. E and I had no idea about what weddings are really like from the inside until we planned one ourselves. I now wish that:

A. I had given more generous gifts to everyone
B. I had given money to most of the people I gave physical gifts to
C. I had smiled and clapped and danced more and judged less

2. RSVP. The cards may seem silly, but they're essential for counting guests and seating them.
3. Pretend to be excited, even if you're thinking, "Why are they making me eat lobster covered in chocolate?"
4. Dance a lot, preferably around the bride and groom with huge smiles and laughter!
5. If you are not going to come--unless you are ill or there's an extenuating circumstance (ahem, hurricane)--let the bride and groom know two weeks before the event so they're not stuck paying for your meal.
6. Be generous with your gift, but more importantly, write something nice in the card.
7. Only be annoyed if you're not invited with a guest if you don't know anyone, and know that if you are invited without a guest, your friends who are getting married wish they could have done it differently.
8. Tell the bride and groom it was the best wedding ever--even if it was bleeping awful.
9. Tell the bride and groom if the DJ is too loud so that it won't be bleeping awful! And don't be shy about unplugging the speakers if the DJ doesn't listen.
10. If more than a couple of people are talking to the bride and groom, don't crowd around them. I repeat--do not crowd the bride and groom, especially right when they arrive from the ceremony. They are completely overwhelmed. (This does not mean: "Don't come and say hello." It just means, "Don't come and say hello if there are already 8 people doing so.") If you want to come over, though, it's always good to ask if you can get them drinks or cocktails they'd otherwise never see!
11. Do attend pre-wedding dinners and post-wedding breakfasts if invited--there's more of an opportunity for intimate conversation and likely there's also good cake!
12. Do travel more than 100 miles and stay in a hotel for the couple...but only if you love them!
13. As one of my parents' friends said: "I don't go to weddings to have a good time. I go to support the couple in their new life together. No one actually expects to have a good time at a wedding." Keep that in your heart, but also hold out for a stellar cake and a smile at the end of the night!

That's what we learned along the way. Thanks to all of you! We did it!